Julio C. (el_insomnio) wrote,
Julio C.

On writing

I've had a pensive evening followed by a pensive morning.
::el café hace burbujas::
For a while I have strayed from my pensive roots, mainly to let myself be at the whim of fears, emotions. Why? Because I saught a more sensual existence where all stimuli affect me & change me. To let my environment and those therein be my guide. But now I think I need a more cogent direction, to read again, to delve into what makes me who I am.

And by thoughts I don't mean those meandering tangents of ideas that lead only to wringing of the hands; but to live a reflected life. At first I thought my problem was my outlook on things, as a sort of existentialist, but now I realize that I have been acting as if all things would move by my sheer will alone.

I think of my days of rampant socializing. Was I happier then? Did I feel more fulfilled, or did I come home feeling more detached and alienated from others? I know the answer. I was happy but so long as I had a partner(s)-in-crime. Someone to sit, at moments, on the sideline and have inside jokes with or make our snob commentary on the evening. Is this sort of detachèdness really such a bad thing? Haven't all artists/writers/dreamers/revolutionaries felt this feeling as well? Even in the most hospitable of social scenes we feel there's something missing. We dance, we drink, we talk-talk-talk, but in the morning we're back at work. Back to the life we wish could change.

(At this point, this is a rant.)

::el café sabe a humo::

"In addition to millions of words, Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir bestowed upon intellectuals around the world a love story for the ages. They met as ardent young philosophy students in Paris and immediately declared each other soul mates. They pledged undying troth, existentialist-style, which meant that, as self-created and totally free human agents, they would throw off bourgeois bad faith and hypocrisy. Marriage was out. Children too. They would live and love with total transparency, sharing every secret, renouncing jealousy, exposing themselves to judgment and, in conversational marathons, analyzing every last sensation."


There is the link to the article on NY TIMES but you have to register (for free) to acess it; well worth the few seconds that'll take. And contrary to the article, I do much prefer monogamy.


I still adore her & love her as ever.

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